What is Domestic Abuse

• Below is just a list that you may find yourself going through, or a friend is going through. You don't have to go through this alone, and help is at hand if you need it. But here are just some examples of what a perpetrator may be putting you or a family member or friend through. This is Domestic/Physical/Emotional/Sexual Abuse. If any of these things are happening, then it's time to get out.

• Spends joint money on himself  with no money left for food or clothes.
• Pulls all wires and boards out of computer so that it can't be used.
• Deletes all files from the computer
• Changes passwords on e-mail and instant messenger so that you can't access them without his permission.
• Put holes in walls in the house.
• Smashes up things in the house.
• Tips you out of bed numerous times so that you cannot not sleep.
• Dictates where you can sleep and when, then he keep you awake either by playing loud music or by annoying you.
• Continually calls you names in front of the children and undermined your authority with them.
• Raises his voice and argues with you in front of the children.
• Pushes you around in front of the children.
• Threats to kill you,.
• Tells you that you will never be free of him that he would make it his sole life purpose to make your life hell.
• Bashes/Slaps your head.
• Will not let you use the phone.
• Will not let you watch tv. 
• Will only let you listen to his type of music.
• Critisise your housekeeping and child rearing skills.
• Denied you housekeeping money.
• Ignore family members when they come to visit.
• Insists that you be there to make his dinner/lunch/tea/supper.
• If you go out to visit family members then you are not allowed to be long.
• Leaves you  to pay rent, gas, electricity, food, clothing, Xmas gifts, house insurance etc. with the money you get for you and the children (this is after he has taken most or all of it for himself).
• If you refuse to have sex then you are subjected to verbal and physical abuse and have to put up with his moods for days.
• Will be ignored for up to a week at a time.
• If you ask for money then you are shouted at and told what a failure you are.
• Often have to borrow money from your mum/dad/friends rather than ask him for it.
• Have to have his supper ready and on the table for when he finishes work or else there will be trouble.
• Having to put up with his loud music when your doing something important.
• Have to drop every thing and make him coffee whenever he orders you to.
• Am allowed to count his savings but not allowed to spend them.
• Have to constantly tidy up after him.
• Orders you  to send the kids upstairs out of his way as they annoy him.
• Have to attend all school and doctors appointments for the kids alone as he is not interested.
• Your'e continually reminded that he provides you  with all appliances and beds and that your'e was lucky to have him.
• Tells me that he is far superior to me and should be treated as such.
• Tells me to do the housework,  gardening and then criticizes you for it.
• Makes you continually made to feel stupid.
• Have  past relationships thrown in your face.
• If you refuse to have sex then he either annoys you until you gave in or rapes you.
  This being raped if saying no is a good abuse example for sexual violence.
• Takes mobile phone away from you.
• Switches the heating on after you had switched it on making you think you was going insane.
• Not allowed to go to bed until he says so.
• If your unwell  you still have to carry on as normal, doing the housework, childcare and cooking.
• When he goes out on the town, he will phone you up to tell you that he having the time of his life.
• He tries to strangle you, and tell you that you deserve it and he made you do it.
• Destroys your possessions.
• Flashes knives at you knowing he scares you.
• Threats to smash my head in and proceeds to bash holes in the wall around you.
• Smashes plates of food off the wall because you don't cook what he wants.
• Drives like a maniac and threatens to kill you both leaving the kids with no one.
• Beats you up whilst pregnant because you will not sleep at his command.
• Tells you that he  sleeps around numerous times during your relationship and that you have no choice but to accept it.
• Smashes up the house and then makes you clean up the house before raping/beating you.
• Pushes you around and humiliates you in front of his friend cos he thinks it's funny.
• Has cybersex online and tells you that it's better than sleeping with you.
• Will spend hours with female friends but restricts you from seeing yours.
• Cuts up/destroys your clothes.
• Breaks/porns jewellery that you receive as gifts from friends/family.
• Constantly tells you that your  fat and ugly and that no other man would ever want you therefore your'e was lucky to have him.
• Will promise you treats such as clothes, driving provisional or a night off from cooking only to be told that you have done something wrong and do not deserve anything.
• You buy hims something new practically every week but you are not allowed anything because he is the provider not you.
• If you want to go out to the shops then he refuses to look after the children and you have to find a babysitter.
• You live life constantly on the edge and would do anything to keep him happy.
• He follows you around the house everywhere you go.
• Your not allowed your own space.
• Your not allowed to lock the bathroom door when you have to go to the toilet or have a bath.
• He buys your something, then destroys it, saying your not worth it.
• When you  go into hospital for operations but have to return the same day to make his meals and look after the children because this is not his job.
• Have to make your own way home from hospital after giving birth  because he is too tired to come and collect you both.
• Your not allowed to let the children stay overnight with family members as they are your children and it's job to look after them.
• Tells you  that your  obviously a terrible person and that you  deserve all that you get.
• Whenever you split up he harasses and threatens you until you agree to take him back.
• Threatens to slash your throat with a knife.
• Goes crazy with a hammer/fists smashing up your home.
• Pushes, shoves and beats you when pregnant.
• Locks you in a room.
• Hurts yours/childrens pets.
• Does not allow you to visit the doctor when you feel you need help.
• Burns photos of the children.
• Takes money from your purse without telling you.
• Searches your bags/pockets etc etc. 
• Keeps checking your emails, mobile phone, opening your mail.