I was going to write a blog about my past and all the trauma that i have suffered, but on reflection, am not going to go into details as i personally feel it's not going to help me, and will probably have an impact on the person reading. All i will say is that i have experienced as a child, abuse, bullying, self-harm. This carried on even when i got married.
I suffered 15 years of times when i was held hostage, abused mentally, physically and sexually. It was horrendous, i didn't know anything was wrong,
until i spoke to a domestic violence officer, they helped the children and i escape into a refuge. The refuge was brilliant, and we stayed there for four months.
Since then the effect it has had on the children and myself has not been easy.
I even got a job helping other women going who have been through the same thing. But then it was easier helping others and forgetting about my own problems. Now i know i have to talk to a CPN as i got turned down for counselling because the trauma i went through as a child and adult is far too complexed. Sometimes i wonder how i am still alive through all this. But i am a survivor not a victim.
Domestic abuse is a vicious circle especially when the children are involved.
My two oldest ones, will not have counselling and will not talk about it.
But they are still going through the trauma of having to deal with problems and issues themselves. All i can do is be there for them when needed. Yes, it has been hard, and yes there are plenty of times i revert back and go downhill as i am the only one that holds it all together, and believe me it's hard to deal with.
But through the misery and hardship of it all, we all tend to bounce back. So anything that happens now is a small blip and after a couple of days we get on with our lives.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, but it's about not giving up, and moving forwards, and seeking the help. Talking to people helps.
If you ever get stuck in a situation and you feel there is no-one to talk too, you can. There is help out there, Samaritans, Nightlink are just a phone call away. If your stuck in an abusive relationship and want out, Womens Aid, or walk into your nearest police station for help. Even the local council can help.
Talk to a close friend, relative, or even Refuge. All numbers can be found on Google. It's better confiding in someone and talking about things. So please don't feel your on your own.
I found a really good outlet and don't feel so alone now, it's called Twitter,
and found a group of lovely people called NotAlone365 Click Here To Take You To @NotAlone365 they have helped so much, especially during the Festive period where i felt so isolated. Am making great friends on there, and there is always someone to chat too. Also they have a new website on there which you can find If You Click Here